How to reject bad ideas professionally & respectfully
It is the single greatest tool to increase your productivity, friendships, relationships and more. That’s not hyperbole.
As I learned as an obese child… everything is delicious between bread. Even shit.
I can’t tell you the number of email threads I’ve diffused like an explosives expert. Saving me hours in the office.
What if I told you there was a polite, caring, considerate, thorough, easy way to reject someone in the most professional way? You’d be chanting my name in the streets… Let’s face it, religions have been started on less.
THE FIRST SLICE OF BREAD = THE OPENER
So in this metaphorical sandwich, the top layer is the bread. A gluten-filled soft, delicious slice that you’re about to freshly bake.
Here are some thick, doorstop style slices for you to put in your pocket for later…
“Thank you so much for taking the time to email me. I’m flattered you’d even consider me/my company/us/this new religion.”
“Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, but I wanted to give my response the same attention and care that you’ve put into your email.”
“Hey Frank, that’s my wife you sent that photo to.”
That last one was a joke.
The most important things for your opener are:
Give thanks.
Show respect to the sender.
ACTUALLY appreciate their time.
Throw in a compliment to break the ice. Like this…
“Frank you are a genius. I was actually thinking something very similar to you just yesterday. Wow! Great minds think alike.”
THE FILLING = COLD, DELICIOUS SHIT
These are the turning points for your response.
“Unfortunately”
“However”
“So… “
“After thinking this through”
Every hero needs a villain, but you’re not it. This is where you deliver your reasoning or excuses for rejecting their ideas, advice, opinions etc.
It’s known as shit because nobody wants to deliver bad news, but it’s necessary in life and especially in business.
Let’s continue with Frank’s example.
BREAD : “Frank you are a genius. I was actually thinking something very similar to you just yesterday. Wow! Great minds think alike.”
SHIT : “ Unfortunately, I had a look on google late last night and came across something very similar. It already exists, so I don’t think it’s the correct direction for us as a company/staff/partnership”
OR
SHIT: “However, I did a quick cost analysis and it seems the numbers didn’t add up on this. Are you sure you want to proceed?”
THE SECOND SLICE OF BREAD = THE CLOSER
People don’t know how to correctly frame bad news. They put it out into the world and leave it there waiting for a response. Lingering like a bad smell.
This can cause havoc for productivity. Why leave an email chain open for rebuttal? This is not a negotiation.
You know what’s worse than one email unsolicited email? Two, yeah. How did you know that?
Like an ethical email hitman — you want to get in, deliver the killing blow and get out alive.
Effectively close it off with these methods:
The better idea option.
The ‘its out of my hands’ method.
The shiny cat toy distraction.
Let’s continue giving Frank his lunch.
BREAD : “Frank you are a genius. I was actually thinking something very similar to you just yesterday. Wow! Great minds think alike.”
SHIT: “However, I did a quick cost analysis and it seems the numbers didn’t add up on this. Are you sure you want to proceed?”
BREAD: “I was inspired by your original direction, so I went ahead and drew up this document (attached). You can see that it should totally work and I’m happy to let you take the lead on this. After all, you beat me to the punch anyway by the sounds of it. This just seems like the best way to do it.”
OR
“Anyway, I’ve CC’d in <<whoever the boss is>> to take a look. It’s kind of above me to make that decision and a fresh pair of eyes always helps. Thank you so much for bringing this up. Let’s wait for what <<boss>> want you to do from here.”
OR
“In that same vein I found this VIDEO. Check it out and let me know what you think. Like I said, your good idea spawned some research and I thought this might be a more profitable choice. I’m not precious about it, but it seems to make sense to do it this way.”
Kind Regards,
<< AND SEND >> Bon appetit!
WHO NEEDS TO EAT IT?
The whole point of a shit sandwich is to spare someone’s feelings. To wrap bad news inside something easier to swallow.
Like when you put medication between Ham so the dog will eat it.
It’s for the greater good.
Does this make you a callus monster? No.
All shit sandwiches will be eaten, but it’s up to the receiver to ‘keep it down’ as it were.
You’ve done your bit, with respect and integrity.
If that person continues to proverbially drown, at least you can say you threw in the rescue buoy before leaving the lake. They just didn’t take it.
Now as a quick disclaimer, I’m not ashamed of any shit sandwich I’ve ever made for someone. To be an expert chef of such a delicacy, you have to make it with real love and respect. Not lies.
Try to genuinely see the good in everyone and put yourself in their place. You will have bad ideas too and you should appreciate anyone who delivers the rejection so succinctly and thoughtfully. We do it because we care.
The same rules apply in your personal life.
Can’t make that birthday party? Shit sandwich.
Can’t invest in a friend’s business? Shit sandwich.
Each second you spend pinching the band-aid, you cause more pain. In some cases you have to be cruel to be kind and just rip it clean off.
You and your inbox will be far happier and far more productive as of this moment…and by reading this entire post you are now the proud recipient of a 1st class honours degree in the ‘Art Of The Shit Sandwich’. No tuition fees taken.
Use it wisely.
Geraint Clarke
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